She's got...Personality

Friday we were in the car tooling around running errands, when the best conversation happened. Jayme, my lover of words and everything that goes with them asked me what “personality” meant. McKenna, the oldest, decided she could answer this question, and in her best “I got this” voice explained...

“Okay...you know there are black people, and white people..some people are black, some people are Chinese...THAT, is personality.” 

Hmm...wow, great job Kenna, that was close..a good guess ..  but no, not at all! HA!

I explained personality to them by giving them examples of their personality.

Jayme is quiet, shy, eager to learn, sensitive, and very um...well PARTICULAR about certain thing. 

Mckenna is witty, friendly and a thinker, you have to get up early to get one over on her and sometimes I am not sure what she is thinking.

Carly Jo is caring, helpful, outgoing, and adaptive which makes her a happy person, but hyper-sensitive.

I threw in some obnoxious, bossy, and annoying’s just for laughs and good measure..but that lead to Jayme wanted to know what obnoxious meant and if she could say it or not!  

It was funny to listen to them ask in wonderment what the specifics of their personality was and then ask..”is that a bad thing”? They were so curious to know..what about me? And .. is that okay? I love this parenting job sometimes, no, most of the time - my girls are so different and yet at the core they are so alike, and just like me...and you. So unique and so distinctly human. Insecure, looking for affirmation and wanting to hear that what they are thinking and feeling is okay, trying to fit in while trying to hold the space they occupy. 

Where do I fit in? How much is nurture, and how much is nature, or is personality the sum of equal parts? hmm...question of the ages..which came first the chicken .. or the egg.

Taylor is 17 ... well she will be in about 2 weeks, and I am sure I will be blogging about that soon. She is compassionate, courageous, strong, dependable, honest, faithful, and caring, with a huge flair for the dramatic, but she is 17 and going into the Arts so it will suit her well. 

I have had 17 years to learn and help mold her personality and help make her the girl she is today, I think, at least.  I feel successful knowing that she is a someone I would be friends with.  Can I take credit for that? What if she were a horribly selfish pathalogical liar...could I be blamed for that?

I hope that all my girls will have a heart for people, I hope they will all be smart and value friendships and education. And whether it is true or not, I will take some credit, The negative characteristics, the flaws in their personalities....if there are any..will be blamed on Jim. 

Sound fair to me!

As a side note, Annabelle is four and I have no idea what her personality is going to be, but I can bet it is something new, and familiar...and irreplaceable. Obviously she has an eye for fashion.

What are you...CRAZY?

Because you are dragging me right there with you....

I want to preface this by saying I love my kids school! Oak Park Carpenter ROCKS. I like the principal, the teachers (some of them I LOVE..literally L-O-V-E), the support staff,  the parents...all of it..EXCEPT the theme days. OMGOSH THEME Days...just the thought makes me break out in a sweat. 

Spirit day, hundreds day, cowboy day, pajama day, orange day, yellow day, purple day(I am totally against purple day especially after last weekend). It isn’t enough that my kids show up in clothes...THAT ARE CLEAN. Do they REALLY have to be a certain color, and if the kids show up in the correct color....they get a PRIZE. oh the pressure... So now if I don’t find ORANGE for them.. ALL of them...to wear tomorrow...at the SAME TIME... I will have kids in tears because they won’t get the prize. 

Crappy parent alert. (Again) GEEZ can we be realistic?   How many orange shirts do you have in your wardrobe, yellow? 

This seriously stresses me out, on top of remembering share days and book reports and which day THREE different kids have PE and need to wear their tennis shoes.  (which..hmm..yeah I don't get a star for that one either) I have to find an orange shirt for EACH of them to wear tomorrow. Who makes this crap up? And why do they hate me? Is it personal? OH, it FEELS personal right now at 10:00 at night as I am STILL stressing about it! Is there some fun that I am missing out on by being a negative nelly..I am sure there is..there ALWAYS is. but it is passing right over me. So at least i admit that...right?

I have no idea what I am going to do for tomorrow..I am not sure that I have any one color enough to have all the kids wear the same color on the same day, except for RED, which I bought for the SPIRIT DAYS...but that is all I got. I wonder if I can put marker on their foreheads ...would that count? On top of it all I am volunteering in Jayme’s class tomorrow, so I get to be there and look out into the sea of orange to see Jayme with a orange stripe on her head. That is assuming I can find an orange marker around here somewhere. If you see my kids with a orange line on thier heads..tell them you think it is awesome!

By the way, these are pictures of Annabelle, hijacking my computer tonight while I was at School. I am posting them because she is the apple of my eye. and it’s my blog and I can. She used photo booth and found setttings I didn't know existed. smarty pants...Enjoy!

Evil Genius?

There are 4 hours in my week that are the loveliest hours in the world, Tuesday and Thursday from 9 - 11. Annabelle goes to preschool. All my other kids are in school at this point, the twins are in morning Kindergarten and the others are gone all day. It feels as if I have waited all my life for this! I have those four hours teensy-weensy hours of peace and quite to do whatever I want: homework, coffee, volunteer, the world is mine,  (oh how I love thee....). Okay ... a little dramatic but seriously.....

Today, something went terribly wrong.  Someone is invading....

I think she might be faking it, purposely choosing a THURSDAY to be "sick".  How can I be sure?

I will continue to be diligent, keep a close watch...and see if there are tell-tale signs of sabotage.

 Could this be the face of an evil genius? I am thinking yes.....watch out world.

Airing My Dirty Laundry

Well, actually, all this is clean but you get my point. This is going to be a quick post because I have someone coming over today and OBVIOUSLY...I have to get rid of this mess. right?

We all have little things as moms that we do that we try to hide and pretend aren't there so we can seem more TOGETHER to everyone else. Why do we do that? So much pressure. I am really not that great of a mom sometimes, you know?  SOMETIMES...(my kids go to bed without .... BRUSHING THIER TEETH!) It is true.
Being a mom isn't about having it all together or being perfect, I have a very smart friend who said..."you need both to struggle and to shine" for things to work.  WORD!
So why do we try so hard to pretend like it is never a struggle?

I remember being in a preschool meeting and listening to a woman tell a group of us that she was having SO much fun with her 4 month old twins and her (almost) 2 year old.  FUN?  I could tell all these moms were getting slammed with the guilt, they were tired they were overdrawn..and maybe they only had 1 kid. What was wrong with them.....what where THEY doing WRONG???  I, of course had been there, was thinking to myself...either she has a TON of help (and or drugs)...or she is TOTALLY LYING. There is no way she was having fun, I mean..seriously. Not saying there wasn't moments of JOY...but .... come on.

Truth: she probably wasn't sleeping, wasn't eating, never had a minute to herself and she probably hadn't showered in a full week.  There would have been no shame in admitting well, maybe the shower part she could have kept hidden.  Listen, I had twins while I had an 18 month old ... IT SUCKED, I mean ... SUHU HUCKED. But I made it through and now...look! Sweet bliss....sort of.  Sometimes it is enough to survive.

My point is that if we women were more honest with each other about things then maybe we all would have an easier road and more time for peace in our souls  knowing that we are trudging along just fine.

So I just showed you mine....now think about yours... and EMBRACE IT! It is all good in the hood. Make a decision that you are going to find a new mom and share something with her that...maybe you don't want to...but maybe she would be happy to hear!

I just burned beans while I was writing this, almost started a fire,  so now my house stinks...great...did I mention I have a friend coming over...

Just sing, sing a song.

I just spent the day at KC NATS Competition with Taylor, she had 4 songs that she has been working on. This is our first year and neither one of us was really sure what was going to happen. She doesn't work well in hos situations. So in true teenage girl style,  this morning was full of drama and enough crying, screaming and emotional meltdowns to send me over the edge. What it is about  teenagers? Frankly, it was a full on mess; it ended with her screaming at me that she didn’t even want me to go, and I was thinking “fine you little queen I don’t want to go, anyway because you are a BASKET CASE! Seriously, I had had it!

By the time we finally made it to the competition, however, you wouldn't have known that she hated my guts a mere 3 hours earlier. Taylor started off strong; first with a German song I have no idea what it was about but it was beautiful. The next song was an English song started right on pitch in her perfect vibrato. Trouble started before she even finished the first verse; it was apparent the lyrics were gone, she had no idea what was coming next. A melt down was coming,  I knew it and I braced for it. But instead, she gave me a look a panic and then calmly, as she could, asked the judges if she could start over. Doom was looming, I could feel it in the air; her breathing was off and she was on the verge of tears. She took a deep breath and started over a little shaky..visibly upset..and forgot the words again. In the split second  she looked at me pleading I gave her a thumbs up and mouthed..JUST KEEP Singing! And she DID, I couldn't believe it.  She shook it off the best she could and finished the song like a true pro. I was so proud of her, am so proud of her. The child was shaking so hard it was visible from my chair and yet she pulled off scores of 95 95 and 96 (out of 100). She was dead on, every note, every key change, she did it. I think that moment helped her grow, and I think she was glad her momma was there!

As horrible as it is at times being the mom of a teenage girl it is moments like today that remind me that my job is to take the brunt of her drama and ridiculous shenanigans and to still  show up and be in the front row telling her to push forward.  I always will be, whether she likes it or not.

My reward for putting up with all of her crap, and abuse was to be in the audience when she sang her last song of the night, “HOME” from Phantom, for the Musical Theater Division. The passion and beauty in her voice was so strong it took every bit my self control to not sob hysterically with pride, joy, awe, wonder, and a ton of other crap I can’t explain.  The blinds vibrating from the intensity of her last high note was the only sound after the piano had finished. It was amazing. SHE is amazing. Dramatic and tiring but she is truly amazing. 

They say blogging makes you feel better...

Oh how I wish I could respond to ignorance and insensitivity faster and with more wit and sarcastic enthusiasm.  Most of the time though, I just sit with this look on my face like whaa?? and come up with a great reply 5 days later when I am still asking myself WHO SAYS THINGS LIKE THAT?  People are such jackholes, I know this, so why does it shock me? Why do I let myself get all worked up? I find myself second guessing..am I being too sensitive, am I judging this person to harshly...maybe it just came out wrong. Maybe it is just me.....
Race is such a touchy subject. I debated, for a while...  but I am going there.


 Click out now if you don’t want to know.

I have spent the last 16 years of my life trying to teach Taylor that it is important to know the history, the triumphs, the struggles that women have been through, and the struggles she may have in the future because she is a woman, also because she is a woman of color. There will be challenges, but I also try to help her know that she shouldn’t walk around expecting people to be unfair to her, or always keep a wall up or chip on her shoulder, ready for a fight.  Although she might meet some a-holes in the world, she should not let it taint her outlook on life, or how she feels about herself. She needs to embrace her differences, and walk in confidence knowing that she is magnificent and a great addition to this world. She needs to know that if someone cannot see her beauty then they don’t need any energy wasted on them. She will have successes and she will have failures and they will not be because of the color of her skin, but “...the content of her character,” and the fact that life just throws crap at you at times. Pick your head up and keep moving.

When Taylor has to deal with something negative that relates to race, all I can do is listen. It sucks, especially when I feel some situations can be avoided. There have been times that internally I have wanted to punch someone in the face, but externally I encouraged her to rise above it and realize you can’t fight stupid. But it is hard as a mother, when some of the bullshit comments come from adults. ‘splain that Lucy.... it’s tough.

For future reference:

All “mixed kids” are NOT pretty (and for the record, mixed? REALLY? That is ridiculous)

All black people cannot sing, it is a talent, a gift that has nothing to do with the color of a persons skin.

And just because you heard a joke on “In Living Color,” does not mean you can repeat it. It is not gonna be funny coming from you. 

Save everyone from awkward situations and save ME from having to come up with a lame excuse for you.

Amazing....I do feel a little better.

Imagination

I am going to admit to you that I am not the best mom when it comes to regulating TV and game time. I try and I act like I want to ... but here we are snow day number three and I am on TV and DS overload.  In my defense, we have done homework, we have read books, and we have worked in the kitchen along with cleaning the house. But, really that tv has been on...for three days STRAIGHT. Enough is enough, turn it off.... okay....now what?
 I decided that I would make play dough and institute some imagination time. No cookie cutters, nothing except your hands, your brain and a a few ingredients from the kitchen.  Even still listen to what we have: snakes, boats, mickey mouse, a rock, a mountain! Endless possibilities.  Right now they are at the table saying nice things and helping each other, and I can have a "you are a good mommy moment"! LOVE THOSE!  Everyone is having a great time!  Now for some sign time, I think I can squeeze in 10 minutes. We shall see!

Here is the recipe, it is super easy and there are lots more on the internet!

Play Dough

• 3 cups flour
• 1 1/2 cups salt
• 3 cups water
• 1 tablespoons vegetable oil
• 1 tablespoon cream of tartar
• a few drops of food coloring

April 27, 2007

I wrote down the events of one week, when the kids were little so that I would never forget,. Even in my sleep deprived depression, I knew this too, would pass and one day it would be precious. I will share that with you right now.

At this point I had a 4 year old two 2 year olds and a seven month old.

My baby didn’t sleep last night, or the night before or the one before that. What you have here is a dead woman typing… 4 nights without a full restful sleep and I am beyond cranky and possibly a tad crazy, this has been a week for the books.
Monday night started off nice, all the kids were down by 8pm I was in bed by 10:30; Annabelle woke up around 1am and decided it was time to play she finally fell back to sleep around 3:00. Carly Jo woke up at 4am; she had wet the bed, so I got up, changed her clothes and then let her stay in my bed. Then it became a fight between her and the cat as to who was going to claim that spot on the bed. Everyone else woke up at 5:30.

Tuesday it rained all day and it was so hard to keep my eyes open; it would have been a perfect day for cuddling on the couch with a warm blanket and the windows open sipping a cup of hot tea while reading a book…Sorry I was dozing off…What was I saying? Oh yeah, Wednesday I was optimistic and desperate; I needed sleep and I just knew tonight was the night…until my husband tried to sneak into the room at 2am. Now this is something that happens frequently, the house is a crazy place so when he wants to get some hard core coding in he has to stay up late and work while the house is still. This night however, while he was navigating the bedroom floor in the pitch black of night he fails to realize the dog is sleeping in the middle of the floor. Husband 255 lbs; dog 65 lbs; staying asleep through that: Priceless. It would’ve been, but it didn’t happen. Jim fell, yelling obscenities knee first into the bed; Taggert yelped as the weight of Jim almost crushed her. It wasn’t until that moment, as I sat up in sheer fright, that I realized it is 2am and the baby was actually sleeping, well, WAS actually sleeping. I can’t help but think that is the difference between moms and dads. Come hell or high water, a mom would have suffered in silence; a mom would have NOT woken the baby. Maybe not, but my superiority complex makes me think it.

Thursday Jim’s knee was the size of a golf ball and I was in nurse mode: 20 minutes on 20 minutes off with the frozen peas. (The vasectomy taught us that peas are better than an icepack ANY DAY) Sweet McKenna convinced daddy that a Strawberry Shortcake Band-Aid "will make it all better" and gave him a wink for good measure. He stayed on the couch with his leg elevated for the day and worked on the laptop. He is fine, bruised but it could have been much worse. It turns out, the band-aid did work. All day long I fantasized about my pillow and the flannel sheets on my bed.

I fed the girls oatmeal for dinner because it is good for them and I was too tired to eat so it is an easy solution. I was on the floor playing with Annabelle, telling her the value of a good night’s sleep, when she informed me that she didn't care for the apricots I fed her for dinner. What that means is she puked all over me, all over her, all over the blanket, all over - EVERYTHING. Ahhh that was so nice and smelled great too; thanks for that.

Now it is Friday,  and I am in a zombie state. What am I going to do? Annabelle was awake last night again. My sister-in-law tells me that I need to just let her cry it out and learn to put herself back to sleep; this is my fifth child and the first time I have had to deal with a non-sleeper, so I feel like a newbie all over again. She says she might scream for an hour before she falls back to sleep. She said it should only take a couple nights till it will learn to just go back to sleep. That, I am sure, would break my heart; but maybe I will try it tonight.

So this morning, after my third cup of coffee, I stumble down the stairs to put my wash in the dryer. When I turn the dryer on I hear what sounds like a shoe banging around inside; I have been known to wash random objects. When I open the dryer I find that no, I didn’t put a shoe in the dryer. Carly Jo, my great helper, had pooped in her pants; and instead of telling me and letting me handle it, she walked downstairs and put the panties, poop and all, in the dryer. Am I angry? No, I am tired, and when Carly Jo looks at me and said, “I hepd too.” (I helped you) She is so proud. I have to smile and tell her thank you for helping, but she needs to tell me next time she has an accident. I can, be mad when, later in the day, she opens her sippy cup and pours milk all over the playroom floor so she can make footprints.

Snownami, Snowpocalypse, snowmaggeddon...

It is snowing, everyone is home I am going to convince my husband to make a fire while he is on his lunch break. I am ready for the doomsday storm to begin...because then there will be a valid reason that I have been listening to these ANNOYING news casters for the last two days. 

I am posting the Chowder recipe it was a tasty treat, and easy to make. 


 Corn Chowder


1 stalk celery hearts

1 half onion (or more if you want)

3 carrots

3 medium potatoes

3 gloves of garlic

2 tbsps olive oil 

2 tbsp butter

flour 

broth - chicken or veg..or beef... whatever

3 cups frozen corn

1 cup cream

1 cup sour cream

CHEESE

chop onion, carrots, celery, garlic and potatoes and add to melted butter and olive oil. salt and pepper to taste.( I also used Organic No Salt Seasoning from Costco.)

Cook until soft 
dust with flour and stir 
add corn add broth to coverboil till potatoes are soft (almost mushy) 
makes a good consistency for the chowder

add cream and sour cream cook until warm through (don’t boil)
Cheese to taste...add a handful at a time so it can melt nicely and incorporate

Stay warm and enjoy your day!