Taylor

I have been feeling melancholy lately, I think it is because my child will be turning 18 soon. This is probably hard for all mothers but I am finding it especially hard. I was only 19 when I had Taylor and in so many ways I grew up with her. I am sure I have made many mistakes and there are definitely things I look back on and cringe, but more than that I look at this beautiful child who is smart, talented and has a heart for people in need... and I am so proud. I did this..

This month is full of college visits and preparations for life outside of this safety of this house. I know she is ready but I don't think that I am.
This is Taylor singing at her high schools masterworks concert in January. She was the soloists and I am so very proud of her. I can't wait to see the treasure that this beautiful woman brings to the world.

Never underestimate the power of ... the JOJO

Taylor needed help putting up the tent for her sleep over that is coming up, it is a big tent and really a two person job. It is 92 degrees, feels like 103 so...well let's just say I wasn't up for helping her. I told her to ask Carly Jo..and she did.

And it worked.. 

She wears your patience at times,  but the kid has got some smarts, no denying.

 Kudos to Taylor for giving her a shot.

And Kudos to Carly Jo for ALWAYS being ready and willing to help anyone, for anything!

Taylor

I know she isn't a senior, but I really wanted to get EVERY season, for her senior pictures. She is so beautiful and technically she will be a Senior in 2 weeks or so... so what the heck.

We went to Loose Park, along with, may I say, half of Kansas City. There were beautiful brides...and not so beautiful brides, if we are being honest, and there were a TON of prom dates. It was really sweet..and a popular place for a reason, it is beautiful.

 Her smile is so amazing! I love it.

I feel melancholy looking at them.. she is so beautiful and so GROWN UP.. how did that happen? And wow was it fast! My little Tader is growing up into a fine young lady. Proud of you kiddo!










I know this one isn't of Taylor but it was so precious I had to post it.

Wendy has some really great ideas for other shots of Taylor, but we will have to wait till her baby is born... he is due in JUNE and she is out taking pictures...good times...I say.

Simplymoore@comcast.net (just in case you want it!)

Motherhood

Sitting in the Drs. office waiting for Taylor to finish up her appointment. This office has no internet so I can’t do my homework.. 

it is Tuesday (you know what that means) no kids to bug me, my time for a shower, or to drink coffee in peace and quiet, to reflect, to do homework or clean my house..something by myself for myself to center me in my crazy world. Yet here I sit.  I have been here doing nothing for 45 whole minutes. I HATE wasting my “no kid time.”

SOO, I  blog. ... normally I am not a Dr. kind of girl. I don’t take my kids to monthly well baby checks, I never have. I don’t know how big their heads were or what percentage they were in their age groups at 3, 4, and 5 months. When they have an earache I give them sweet oil in the ear and Tylenol and wait for the body to heal itself, it normally does. UTI’s are the exception to this rule. My girls are prone and those things just flat suck so, we get those straightened out right away. And of course there is the allergy shots, but those cannot be avoided either since Carly Jo is allergic to every tree, every weed, every mold spore and ever dust mite. (did you know there were two types? Well, there is some free education.) I am very happy to say she is not allergic to any food. (even though I started her on milk before the Dr.’s suggested time)  

ANYWAY, where was I? Oh yes, we are on a one time a year schedule, yearly check ups so they can tell me everything is great and my kids are growing nice and tall. I get one, Jim gets one, all the kids get one too!

So that being said, I have the hardest time when one of my kids is complaining about something...should I take them to the Dr. or should I load them up with vitamins and see what happens. Taylor has been complaining about her lower back hurting (left side no appendix scares. So I gave her some ibuprofen and an icepack and told her it was a pulled muscle most likely. Fast forward to day 3, she has woken me up at 4 am for the last two night almost in tears.. okay probably not a pulled muscle, so here we are. 

I am waiting to see what the diagnosis is and to find out, if indeed, I should have just taken her to the Chiropractor,should have skipped the Dr. and should be drinking a Chai Latte right now

It is so hard to know. 


As mother’s we really are expect to have some sort of advanced medical degree, Mom, my leg hurts, whats wrong? Mom, do I need stitches? Mom, how many Advil can I take? Mom, my tummy hurts. Mom, what is this rash? Mom, get this splinter out. 


There are two paths we can follow. Either we become neurotic and drag them to the Dr.. for every sniffle, runny nose, ache and pain ...OR we ignore them and shove them full of vitamins only to realize that they have had Acute Bronchitis for the last month. Both are bad, where is the happy medium? Where is my handbook?  Seriously I think a ton has to be said about following my instincts, but what if they fail me? Sometimes mommy guilt is so overwhelming. 

BUT..back to now... we are at the Dr. and I am waiting, waiting to see if Taylor has a kidney stone, a bladder infection, a pulled muscle or if she just needs to stop drinking monsters and drink more water because she is dehydrated, or stretch before she does her daily 3 mile walk around Overland Park. Part of me is thinking that this had better be serious because I am giving up my two hours of "me time" to sit here in this waiting room, breathing germs and sickness into my body and bathing in antibacterial gel. But the other part is asking the universe to make sure this ISN'T serious. I want my child healthy and happy so she will be able to MOVE OUT OF MY HOUSE, go to college and live a long  and prosperous life, because without that none of this matters.

So annoying. 

I never wanted to be a nurse or a chemist..or detective but motherhood has thrust all these jobs upon me and then some. It is alright though....the pro's still out weigh the cons, for now. 


Check back with me in 10 years that will be the tell.

When did I get so stupid?

If you ask my kids they would tell you I know everything, how? I am a mom, we know everything. It is true, I admit it, I brainwash my kids. I think it is essential that so that as they grow they know they can depend on us, and most importantly they know they can't get one over on us. We need for them to believe we can almost read their minds so that we can get into their  kid brain and help them work through whatever is going on in there.  Taylor, for the LONGEST time would say..HOW do you KNOW these things? I just do..I know everything. Now I have McKenna saying it.
"MY MOM KNOWS EVERYTHING!"
And then, all of a sudden, the teenage child arrives. It was over night and BOOM. A bigger idiot there has never been. (me, of course, not her)  I went from the all seeing- all knowing mom to "that lady that is always talking in the background" and the woman who "knows nothing about this" (or that, or ANYTHING) I am 36 and old fashioned - go figure.
I can't decide if Taylor really thinks that I have no idea what I am talking about, or if she just really doesn't want to admit that I really am as smart as I think I am. She can be very convincing of my stupidity. Maybe she thinks if she admits it, then she loses her Teen Card. (my play on the "man card") I have learned to get crafty with my information seeking, and I have learned that if someone else tells her something, then she will believe it .  The proverb "a wise man surrounds himself with great counsel" is spot on.

There is nothing better than talking to Taylor about something, giving her my opinion  - usually arguing about why I feel that way - and getting brushed off.
No, that isn't the good part, the good part is hearing her say later that "so and so" said.... and hearing my words come out of her mouth!! EPIC WIN!!

I think it is a rite of passage with teenagers, we have to believe that our parents know nothing, so that we can test our wings and move out into the world without fear.
Even knowing that, it is hard not to be offended and take it personally, but I am getting used to it. I have accepted it and I think as long as I choose carefully the adults I put into my kids lives, then it will be fine.
It really is one of the most annoying things, how much drama could be saved if we would just take advice from someone who has been there before us.
Taylor will be 17 in a week and I think, the tide is turning, a little bit. Maybe?

                                           She is so pretty...someone else should tell her that!!!

Just sing, sing a song.

I just spent the day at KC NATS Competition with Taylor, she had 4 songs that she has been working on. This is our first year and neither one of us was really sure what was going to happen. She doesn't work well in hos situations. So in true teenage girl style,  this morning was full of drama and enough crying, screaming and emotional meltdowns to send me over the edge. What it is about  teenagers? Frankly, it was a full on mess; it ended with her screaming at me that she didn’t even want me to go, and I was thinking “fine you little queen I don’t want to go, anyway because you are a BASKET CASE! Seriously, I had had it!

By the time we finally made it to the competition, however, you wouldn't have known that she hated my guts a mere 3 hours earlier. Taylor started off strong; first with a German song I have no idea what it was about but it was beautiful. The next song was an English song started right on pitch in her perfect vibrato. Trouble started before she even finished the first verse; it was apparent the lyrics were gone, she had no idea what was coming next. A melt down was coming,  I knew it and I braced for it. But instead, she gave me a look a panic and then calmly, as she could, asked the judges if she could start over. Doom was looming, I could feel it in the air; her breathing was off and she was on the verge of tears. She took a deep breath and started over a little shaky..visibly upset..and forgot the words again. In the split second  she looked at me pleading I gave her a thumbs up and mouthed..JUST KEEP Singing! And she DID, I couldn't believe it.  She shook it off the best she could and finished the song like a true pro. I was so proud of her, am so proud of her. The child was shaking so hard it was visible from my chair and yet she pulled off scores of 95 95 and 96 (out of 100). She was dead on, every note, every key change, she did it. I think that moment helped her grow, and I think she was glad her momma was there!

As horrible as it is at times being the mom of a teenage girl it is moments like today that remind me that my job is to take the brunt of her drama and ridiculous shenanigans and to still  show up and be in the front row telling her to push forward.  I always will be, whether she likes it or not.

My reward for putting up with all of her crap, and abuse was to be in the audience when she sang her last song of the night, “HOME” from Phantom, for the Musical Theater Division. The passion and beauty in her voice was so strong it took every bit my self control to not sob hysterically with pride, joy, awe, wonder, and a ton of other crap I can’t explain.  The blinds vibrating from the intensity of her last high note was the only sound after the piano had finished. It was amazing. SHE is amazing. Dramatic and tiring but she is truly amazing.